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Archive for January, 2006

What is Happening?

This week hasn’t been a particularly good one. After suffering a “Jonah Day” on Monday, things have improved but only slightly. Monday was one of those days when I felt absolutely rotten and just couldn’t do anything right. I was making mistakes at work left and right and of course when I find the slightest mistake, the perfectionist in me has to change it until it is right. So everything took me about three times as long to do. Needless to say, I was in a horrible mood. I wanted to start over many times but kept reminding myself that “tomorrow is another day.”Tuesday, I was much better in spirits. My problems that day actually began on evil Monday. The vision in my right eye was slightly blurred and I was seeing halos around light which is scary. I decided to forgo the contacts for the day and wear the dreaded glasses that make me look like such a nerd. 🙂 I had to take an hour an a half from work to visit the eye doctor who seemed quite perplexed as to the reason for the corneal edema (swelling) he found in my eye. So I was told to skip the contacts until my vision improves, call if my vision gets worse, or else come back in a week. My grandmother is legally blind due to complications from type I diabetes and I am reminded on a weekly basis how her life is impaired by vision loss so I take eye health very seriously.And here we are on Wednesday. I am glad to say that my vision has improved slightly though I am still not seeing 20/20 in that eye. Today it seems nothing intelligent can come out of my mouth. Perhaps I should take a vow of silence, I’m sure Brandon wouldn’t mind that at all. Also the “scatter-brainedness” from Monday hasn’t gone away. I’m not used to this! I want my brain to go back to how is always is.

I know that in the grand scheme of things most of these problems are small potatos, but I am glad to have this outlet of sorts. And I take solace in the fact that “tomorrow is another day.”

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I’m So Glad it’s Friday!

I am feeling much more human now, which is good because I have a packed weekend of running errands.
-I have to pay for my bridesmaids dress for Jeff & Jessica’s wedding. The dress is my favorite color and a great style for my tall, thin, wide-hipped body so I will definitely be able to wear it again.
-I also have to order a cake, look for decorations, and plan a menu of eats for Lindi’s baby shower.
-And then I plan to relax and maybe have a little fun since this week has been pretty rotten.
Hopefully this weekend I can get help from Brandon concerning this blog. I have figured out how to change minor things but would like to kick this thing up a notch. I learned a bit of coding in college when I had to design a website for class but most of the info I learned I have lost. He has designed several webpages and currently maintains his company’s website so I trust his judgment. Plus he is a good teacher, very patient with my stupid questions. 🙂 I do know how to post pictures but haven’t done so yet, I need to load pictures into my flickr account to be able to post. So hopefully this thing will start to look a lot better.

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The Chu Strikes Again

I had to add a funny story. I always enjoy reading other people’s cat tales so IF anyone reads this thing I hope they can get a laugh. On Saturday I was incapacitated and asked Brandon if he would run down to the pharmacy and get me some Aleve to help with the pain. He made sure I was comfortable, left my cell phone nearby in case I needed him and left. The Chu was lying sweetly on my legs keeping me warm. The moment I heard his truck door shut she jumped down and then jumped on the desk and proceeded to make herself very comfortable indeed on the keys of Brandon‘s laptop. She knows good and well that he doesn’t like her on there. I weakly yelled for her to get off and then took the miniature stuffed cat Brandon left near me and threw it at her hitting her squarely on the hip. She didn’t even flinch. About 10 minutes later Brandon arrived home and when his truck door slammed shut she jumped down and came back to lay on the bed as if to say, “See, I haven’t done anything wrong.” And people say cats are stupid.

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I’m Back!!

So this post reveals that I am still alive! I never doubted for a second that I wouldn’t be. My surgery was at 8 am Friday and I was headed home at 2 pm. I had a little trouble adjusting to being upright afterword but every day I feel better. Part of the procedure was to fill my abdomen with carbon dioxide so the scope would have an easier view. An added “bonus” is that some of the gas is still trapped inside, which is more painful then the actual incisions. The verdict is that I do have endometriosis. It was caught early on and there wasn’t all that much to remove. Either I am a huge wimp or the endo found on a ligament was causing a lot of pain. I will go back to the doctor in 2 weeks to discuss the treatment options and to review the “awesome” pictures of my insides. I am grateful for the outcome; grateful to know what has been bothering me and thankful that it doesn’t seem to be severe.

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Under the Knife

I spent the entire morning getting informed about my procedures and signing consent forms. I feel as if I signed my life away. My head is spinning from all of the information I have to process. I found out that I will have additional procedures completed as well as the laparoscopy. It will last anywhere from an hour and a half to three hours depending on what they mightl find. So I should be able to go home by 2 pm tomorrow which will be nice, I have never been in a hospital bed before but I know I would much prefer my soft, cushy bed with my husband and my cute ball of fluff. And the doctor says I am allowed to go back to work on Monday if I feel up to it, though I am not allowed to do any heavy lifting for 2 weeks. It isn’t that I absolutely love work and can’t stay away, I would just fear the state of my inbox if I was away for too long. I am the only designer so if I’m not there to do the work, no one will do it. I’m trying not to be nervous or think about it too much, but of course that is more easily said then done. I trust that the Lord will watch over me and make sure I am safe. Wish me luck, I am otherwise healthy so I hope to be back up and running in no time.

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Huh?

How is this for unnerving? I found out this morning that I am scheduled for minor surgery on Friday. FRIDAY!!!!!!! Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh, I’m not prepared for this mentally!!! Some warning would have been nice. It turns out the surgery coordinator was out sick and someone else was supposed to call and let me know. Well it is a good thing work is so understanding. So tomorrow I go in for pre-op lab work and signing consent and talking to the anesthesiologist. The only “surgery” I have ever had was to have my wisdom teeth removed. Granted this is only minor surgery, but I am still nervous.I am having a laparoscopy to determine whether or not I have a chronic illness called endometriosis and if they find it they will try to take care of it then. The outcome will produce mixed results. If I have it, it will be a relief to know what has been causing all of the pain for the last 10 years, but at the same time some fear for the progression of it and what that might mean. I am somewhat prepared for the outcome after finding out a few months ago that endo is what the doctor thinks it is. I have done much research on the illness. If it turns out I don’t have endo it will mean going to various specialists to find out what it is, I’m not looking forward to that.Whatever the outcome, I know that God is watching over me and taking care of me. Knowing this does bring me a lot of comfort, if I didn’t have Him in my life I would be a real mess. This blog is a nice little outlet, I feel much better already after venting my frustration.

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Fullfillment

I will say that in the last couple of years I have changed from being an eternal pessimist to more of a realist. I’m sorry all of you optimists out there, I’m not quite there, nor do I ever think I will be there. I am comfortable with treating the world for how it is, not always seeing the negative or the positive.Where am I going with this? I have set and accomplished goals. I have conquered battles. But I am still stumped as far as my purpose in life and career goes. I suppose it is time to dust off my copy of The Purpose Driven Life. Maybe I just didn’t get it or perhaps I just wasn’t receptive to the message the first time around.I find that my problem is I am interested in a great many things. My brain is full of ideas but I haven’t been able to focus on one set career goal. I think it is wonderful when a child grows up knowing exactly what they want to do in life, goes to college to get the degree, and lands their dream job. Unfortunately, that isn’t me and it never has been. And unfortunately I am not able to be this free spirit and explore options in an unlimited amount of free time; I have bills to pay, college was expensive.

Am I disappointed that I am no longer interested in pursuing a career in my degree field? No, college taught me much more than how to design a “pretty” building. I will say that I am open to whatever may come my way. Like many others I am searching for my purpose and my meaning always remembering that it isn’t how God fits into my plans, but how I fit into God’s plans.

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