Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Finally Free?

Yesterday was my last day at the place I have worked for the last 4 and 1/2 years. For most of that time I was pretty miserable, but obligations and duty called. This summer I paid off my student loans in 5 years instead of the scheduled 10, (YEA!!!!!!!!!!!) this gave me the opportunity I desperately needed to leave my job. I have had a rough year emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. I felt completely trapped in my job, like I couldn’t get out. Yes, I could look for work elsewhere but I also discovered I was in the wrong field and had no clue where I should look. Because I have a loving, supportive husband, because we have been financially responsible, because the Lord has looked upon us with favor, I have the rare opportunity to just spend time in rest and explore what life has to offer. While the unknown can sometimes be scary, it can also be exciting. My challenge is to break down the walls I have used to rule my life. Instead I need to replace my idiotic rules with, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37) Everything else will follow in time. I am truly free.

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Life has been overwhelming lately. I have dealt with more in the last few months then I ever knew I could deal with. But once again I have come out stronger and grown. It is very easy to take for granted that I still have so much growing to do. Just when I think I have figured one thing out, something else hits me and I stumble. Really I would have it no other way because I am grateful for the chance to be better armed the next time something hits me hard. It is far too much to write down all at once so it will come in pieces.For the longest time I figured I had nothing to contribute to this journal, who would want to read the insignificant things I had to say? But I have learned in the last few months that sometimes all it takes is to know some other human being has gone through what you are suffering to make you feel a little less like a complete mess. So I will share my experiences in hopes that maybe I can help someone else as much as others have helped me through these difficult times.I haven’t been able to fully express myself. So much of it I have kept in, kept away from others, kept away from myself. How could others know me when I really didn’t know myself? Now I realize I want to live life to the fullest instead of merely existing in it.

I have much to add in retrospect so that I can remember some of the things that have happened in the last few months while I have been so silent. I find that the older I get the harder time I have recalling details or events. Needless to say, I need a little help.

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Time Keeps on Slipping….

I can hardly believe that the year is a quarter of the way over. Spring is almost over and summer will soon be upon us. Time for heat and humidity and much longer days. And I always look forward to those brief afternoon thunderstorms. I realize that only contributes more to the humidity but somehow I like watching those brief angry bursts of clouds.May shouldn’t be too busy for us, we have two events planned. I say that now and things always end up much more busy then I expect them to be. Why is that? My sister and I are organizing a family get together for my parents 30th anniversary. It’s not going to be a huge blow out, just family time since everyone gets more and more busy as we get older. It’s pretty sad but I have some family who live in town (more or less) that I haven’t seen since Christmas.Then for an extra long Memorial weekend we are flying to Arizona to visit my brother Jeff and his family. I’m looking forward to getting away for a little while and getting to spend time with all of them. They came home for Christmas but we didn’t get to spend a lot of time with them. Now we get to go see them on their turf. The only times I have been to Arizona was just passing through on connecting flights to California. We will do the grand canyon, even they haven’t been yet. And it just so happens that our home baseball team will be playing there while we are visiting so everyone but Brandon is looking forward to that. Also they just moved into a house with an outdoor kitchen and a pool. Can anyone say Party!!!

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One of Those Weeks

I am glad that Friday is upon us. I have had quite a week. It is always fun to come back from a long weekend of vacation and get back into the swing of things.First of all, spring is upon us. Warmer weather, beautiful flowers, longer days, and oh yes that lovely buttery yellow substance that has decided to take up residence in my lungs. We decided to go for a nice jog in the park on Tuesday evening only for me to wake up Wednesday morning with a very irritated throat and dry cough. Nothing makes me more grumpy then a sore throat. So that has decided to linger with no other symptoms to indicate cold or flu or even traditional allergy symptoms. No itchy eyes, no runny nose, nope just cough and sore throat.Thursday presented a battle royal at work. I got caught in the middle of some office politics. After a long day of email wars and being accused of doing something wrong it was discovered that I was perfectly inbounds and those accusing had actually made the mistake. (I assure you I was as diplomatic as can be 😉 ) On top of the sore throat Brandon had a right little ray of sunshine to meet him when he came home.

I have been managing my accounts in a spreadsheet that I personalized for quite some time now. Recently with the purchase of the PC I decided to try Quicken because it could integrate my account balancing along with budgeting and such. After trying to learn this program I have just about had it. I don’t want the software selling me stuff, I don’t want the complicating investing junk. I just want it to be customized to my simple little world and apparently that is asking way too much. I’m not a dunce when it comes to the computer but I’m certainly no expert. I usually can pick up and figure out most programs fairly easily but this one is a no go for me. And I feel particularly stupid after reading all kinds of reviews saying that this program is THE top program and so simple to use. Thanks a bunch

Ranting is fun, it feels so good to do so sometimes. Now I can go back to my regularly scheduled weekend of relaxing, feeling better and forgetting about all the trash from this past week.

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Our Wild Ride

Ten years ago I was a senior in high school. I had sworn off dating until college because the high school guys I dated were “like” so immature. I figured I didn’t have much time left and college guys would be so much more mature. (I’m rolling my eyes right now, how stupid was I?) I was having the time of my life though, senior year was so much fun. And the anticipation of what was to come was exciting.I had met Brandon our junior year when our class was punished for talking. As a punishment our teacher sat us in alphabetical order. I sat directly in front of Brandon who at his first opportunity decided to tease me. (They never change, do they?) We became fast friends as we were “kindred spirits.” He would steal (borrow) books from my locker and leave funny notes in the pages. We didn’t really become friends outside of school until that summer when he wrote me letters while I was away and talked on the phone. I soon became interested in him but the timing wasn’t right as he was chasing some other girl. And of course he always wanted girl advice from me. So I was patient.Fast forward to senior year, around new year’s he called to get more girl advice. The girl he had been seeing dumped him and he wondered what he should do. As I did a silent happy dance I gave him good (unbiased) advice telling him to move on. 😉 I then waited a good bit as I wrestled with the idea of dating him. I didn’t want to lose his friendship because it was a special bond, but at the same time I just kept thinking, “What if?” I finally decided that it was senior year and he we worth the risk. So I spent the time around his birthday and Valentine’s day trying to devise clever ways to let him know. It took writing him a blunt note so all my creative ventures were all for naught.So, ten years ago today I was standing in line at the movies with a big group of friends waiting to get in to see The Empire Strikes Back. We decided to go with a bunch of friends on our first date to make things a bit more comfortable. We had a great time together, holding hands, being silly teenagers. I remember the ride home was interesting because we had to drop a friend off first. When he got me home we did the uncomfortable, awkward first date thing. I knew he was a keeper that first date despite the awkwardness. And he must have thought the same thing because he decided to stick around.We have had a wild ride in these past ten years. We finished high school together. We spent the first year of college apart, I joined him a year later. I finished college first and moved away. He proposed just before he graduated a year later. The economy was not so good and job hunting was a real challenge but we decided to not put off getting married. Our first year of marriage was the biggest challenge I have ever faced but we made it through even stronger than before. We have been tested in the “sickness” vow of our marriage. We have laughed and we have cried. And through it all we have had a blast.These ten years have been such a blessing. To be able to grow and change together has been so much fun. I am truly grateful and blessed to have a wonderful husband like Brandon in my life. It is so much fun to be married to my best friend. He takes care of me the countless times I don’t feel well and when I am feeling down. He puts up with my sometimes incessant chatter. He truly loves me for who I am. Even though I’m not perfect, he treats me as if I were. Thank you for these 10 years Brandon, I love you and I look forward to 10 times 10 more.

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Where Does the Time Go?

The month of May has blown by, where did it all go? I have been really busy with work. So much so that the thought of touching a computer when I get home from work is revolting. Hence the lack of updates. I had all kinds of interesting thing waiting to post but couldn’t ever find the time to come post them. Oh, priorities. I am looking forward to the 3 day weekend which I didn’t realize we had until a week ago. Like finding things? After that I have a short week at work where I have only one job to complete; (That’s right, I’m all caught up) and then it is off to sunny Destin for a week of relaxation. I feel pretty badly because Brandon can’t go with me this time but he was the one to suggest that I go. Originally I wasn’t going to go this year but I have been stressed out from work and it is starting to affect my attitude. Plus this might be my last vacation for quite a bit of time so I figure I need to take advantage of it. I’m sure Brandon is excited by the prospect of not having to deal with my drama for an entire week. Lucky him. He just has to deal with the drama of The Chu.

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Chaos, Be Gone

Life has been so full of stress lately that all I want to do is find a nice quiet corner in the world to be alone with my thoughts. Ah, to be able to cast away all of the “nonsense” and not have to worry about what might pile up in the meantime. Work issues will just cease to exist, the bills would just miraculously pay themselves, the house would become spotless without having to lift a finger. It’s a nice dream. With time I have become better equipped to deal with stress, but now it is starting to affect me physically. The little pressures in life seemed to have piled up and created one big burden. I’m sure I could use a vacation as the last one I took was a year ago. Where to go? The possibilities are endless, it would be nice to be spontaneous and just take off on an adventure. Unfortunately the “real world” calls. I know life will go back to normal soon, I just wish it would hurry up.

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R & R

This weekend marked the end of the hectic pace that has been with us since before Christmas. Other than minor things Stuart and Ann’s wedding was a success. We are happy to say that we found her car keys. 🙂 I look forward to weekends of not having to be any where or do anything for a while. Since I have been running so hard lately I decided to stop pushing myself so much and took the day off of work yesterday. This is such a rarity for me, I think I have called in sick 4 times since I started working here almost 3 years ago. It was nice to not have to be anywhere or get stressed out by everyone else’s usual panic. So I spent the day resting and working on a project I need to complete before Stuart and Ann move to Arizona on March 31.

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What is Happening?

This week hasn’t been a particularly good one. After suffering a “Jonah Day” on Monday, things have improved but only slightly. Monday was one of those days when I felt absolutely rotten and just couldn’t do anything right. I was making mistakes at work left and right and of course when I find the slightest mistake, the perfectionist in me has to change it until it is right. So everything took me about three times as long to do. Needless to say, I was in a horrible mood. I wanted to start over many times but kept reminding myself that “tomorrow is another day.”Tuesday, I was much better in spirits. My problems that day actually began on evil Monday. The vision in my right eye was slightly blurred and I was seeing halos around light which is scary. I decided to forgo the contacts for the day and wear the dreaded glasses that make me look like such a nerd. 🙂 I had to take an hour an a half from work to visit the eye doctor who seemed quite perplexed as to the reason for the corneal edema (swelling) he found in my eye. So I was told to skip the contacts until my vision improves, call if my vision gets worse, or else come back in a week. My grandmother is legally blind due to complications from type I diabetes and I am reminded on a weekly basis how her life is impaired by vision loss so I take eye health very seriously.And here we are on Wednesday. I am glad to say that my vision has improved slightly though I am still not seeing 20/20 in that eye. Today it seems nothing intelligent can come out of my mouth. Perhaps I should take a vow of silence, I’m sure Brandon wouldn’t mind that at all. Also the “scatter-brainedness” from Monday hasn’t gone away. I’m not used to this! I want my brain to go back to how is always is.

I know that in the grand scheme of things most of these problems are small potatos, but I am glad to have this outlet of sorts. And I take solace in the fact that “tomorrow is another day.”

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I’m So Glad it’s Friday!

I am feeling much more human now, which is good because I have a packed weekend of running errands.
-I have to pay for my bridesmaids dress for Jeff & Jessica’s wedding. The dress is my favorite color and a great style for my tall, thin, wide-hipped body so I will definitely be able to wear it again.
-I also have to order a cake, look for decorations, and plan a menu of eats for Lindi’s baby shower.
-And then I plan to relax and maybe have a little fun since this week has been pretty rotten.
Hopefully this weekend I can get help from Brandon concerning this blog. I have figured out how to change minor things but would like to kick this thing up a notch. I learned a bit of coding in college when I had to design a website for class but most of the info I learned I have lost. He has designed several webpages and currently maintains his company’s website so I trust his judgment. Plus he is a good teacher, very patient with my stupid questions. 🙂 I do know how to post pictures but haven’t done so yet, I need to load pictures into my flickr account to be able to post. So hopefully this thing will start to look a lot better.

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